Being Fully Present

A brief reflection on returning home

A lot of us are busy trying to escape the present moment. I’m not just saying that we’re trying to escape the timeline we’re in as of 8:00 AM, April 11, but it may include the present-present as well.

We may be horrified by what’s happening around us. We hear the news. We see what’s happening in the Middle East.

It’s deeper than that. We may be weighed down internally. It could be garden-variety grief over a relationship that we’ve lost. We may be facing a medical crisis of someone we love. Maybe we are having a medical crisis of our own. Our heaviness could be caused by circumstantial or chronic problems.

Whatever the source of our discontent, we may have created familiar pathways to escape the pain of life. It could be substances that we use and abuse. We might turn to games or social media to distract us. We have our ways of coping.

For just over nine months, I have been on a journey of discovery and reflection. I have been trying to live in a non-escapist way, ironically, by removing myself from the life I knew in Grand Rapids, MI. I don’t think of my time in St. Thomas as an escape, but it was a break. The break gave me time and space to grow in self-awareness and love. It wasn’t an escape for me.

The difference is intent and practice.

I intended to step out of my familiar surroundings, the things that propped up my identity, to strip away various sources of my security, to really understand who I am without all the scaffolding. My intention was renewal and return. I did not want to “get outta here” as much as I wanted to be more present, more alive, and more engaged in the world around me—back here in Michigan.

In practice, I kept my intention always before me. I reminded myself and others that I was in St. Thomas for nine months—for a reason. I practiced acts of service in the context of an incredible congregation. I served as a transitional minister. This formed me in ways that I have yet to fully understand. I’ve been advised to give it some time.

I practiced surrender and developed new skills of resilience in a new place where I had to trust God and others—daily. St. Thomas is a beautiful and amazing place to live. But it can be a challenging place, especially if you’ve made your life there and are trying to operate a business, raise a family, or lead a church.

I practiced truth-telling and kindness, even when it was costly. I have loved the opportunity to speak and share God’s message of love and forgiveness. Honestly, that was the easy part. But being a Christian preacher is not a popularity contest. I tried to call others to repentance, to self-giving sacrifice, and to love their neighbors in tangible ways. This is the hard part of preaching. Practicing truth-telling with integrity entails truth-living. I knew that my life needed to be aligned with my public message. I sometimes missed the mark and rested in God’s grace when I failed and disappointed others. I had to apologize and ask for forgiveness on several occasions.

I’m back home now. I’ll be spending the next couple of months integrating what I have learned while I was away in St. Thomas and applying it to my life in Michigan.

If you are a person who prays, please pray that I can reconnect with family, friends, and coworkers in healthy and productive ways. Pray that I can be fully present, more alive, and more engaged as I hold a posture that empowers and encourages others.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your support!

Photo: Sunset over Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas, USVI